Thanks to the pandemic of 2020, I can honestly say that I have arrived. Arrived at where I have wanted to be for so very long. Reached long held goals. The main motivating one:
I just want to feel comfortable in my body!
I want to be able to go to the store and find attractive clothes in my size. For at least 25 years, I have been shopping in the plus size department. Those clothes are all shapeless, like a box.
Then came the pandemic. Lock down. At first, like many people, I did a lot of comfort baking and munching, and then I discovered that I had actually gained weight in those first few weeks. That was the last thing I wanted to happen.
So I decided that I would go on a seriously calorie restricted diet. Not any particular diet, just eating as little as I could possibly stand in a day. I did have a number in mind, and a size of clothing I hoped for, although those were not really the point. What I wanted even more was to be able to eat and not count calories; to be able to have a stable weight without facing the daily shame of the scales!
I once had a friend who spent years with Over Eaters Anonymous, which ran their program exactly like Alcoholics Anonymous, as if food were an addiction. She would take her food scale to the restaurant and weigh every item to make sure she was within her limits. In some ways, food may very well be an addiction. However, what I saw her doing totally turned me off. Needless to say, food is not the same as alcohol, as it is necessary for life!
The first ten pounds came off pretty easily. After that, it was extremely slow and difficult. When one has been a yo-yo dieter all their lives, the metabolism gets messed up, and losing weight becomes more challenging. Also, it is harder as one ages.
I discovered that I actually loved not having to go anywhere else to eat. I could control what I cooked, prepared, purchased, kept in the house. If there were no cookies in the house, I could not eat them. In addition, we could not eat in restaurants. Even more important, there were no Church Potluck Dinners!! Those factors played heavily into my successful weight loss!
Over the course of about a year and a half, I lost approximately 35 pounds. I never made it to the exact number I hoped for . But I did get to the place where I could buy lovely clothes off the rack in the average American woman size, not in the plus department!
Somewhere along the way, I discovered that I was really quite ambivalent about meat, so I decided to be a vegetarian. I am not a religious vegetarian. I am not a vegan. I just don't have much of a desire for meat. I find the possibilities of lovely, colorful, interesting, healthy food combinations using vegetables and carbs absolutely endless and enjoyable! Thanks to Pinterest!
My husband is a meat eater. I prepare small portions of meat for his dinner, for which he is grateful, because he has multiple health issues, including heart and kidneys, so less red meat is exactly what he needs to be eating!
I have formed new habits which I have maintained. I buy and don't buy certain kinds of foods.
It is now almost three years since I started on this journey. A lot of things changed along the way. For me, the really good news is that I have been able to maintain my weight within a five pound range, without counting calories or following some rigid plan. I eat whatever I want, in small amounts.
Also, I check in with the scales about every two weeks or so, but no more daily scales which only served to give me low self esteem! (which is a sad way to start the day!)
As a very short person, I have very short legs. Those things impact the way I can sit comfortably. In the end, it was not really about my weight or my size.
The one thing that was not even on my list of goals, which I enjoy most of all in the much smaller size that I am now is this: I am able to sit comfortably with my legs crossed!!
What a surprise!
