The Smell of Grass

The Smell of Grass

**

The grass is being cut as I write,

and I can smell its smell wafting across the 

air of spring.

It has a distinctive odor

a little tangy and a little sweet,

and something clearly green.

This is the warmest most 

sunny day, not to go to waste,

everything delicious, in sight

and smell and taste.

The odor of grass invites

me to take a deep breath,

and notice how the budding leaves

suddenly abound.

I appreciate the beauty

of everything around.

The sense of smell teases

and says, "Come out and play.

You won't see many like me."

How true that is, I know.

I only wish I could bottle the smell of grass

and keep it for some dreary day,

like fine perfume,

an intoxicating bouquet.

Top Five Regrets

I recently read an article re-published by AARP, written by Bonnie Ware entitled "The Top Five Regrets of Dying People".

Bonnie Ware worked for many years in palliative care.  When dying patients were questioned about any regrets, five common themes surfaced.   I found it a provocative topic.

I will list them here:

1.  I wish I'd had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.
2.  I wish I didn't work so hard.
3.  I wish I'd had the courage to express my feelings.
4.  I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.
5.  I wish I had let myself be happier.

Reading that list actually made be feel very good about my life.   I don't really have any of those regrets.  In fact, I can honestly and truthfully say that all the dreams I ever had for my life have been realized.   I have no deep regrets or unfulfilled dreams.  That's a wonderful thing to be able to say in the waning years of one's life.

I did eventually get around to living my own authentic life, and not according to the expectations of others. That is a process that takes time and maturity.   The same is true of expressing my feelings. That took a while.  But I learned that not expressing one's feelings can be an unhealthy thing to do.  The trick for me there was learning that I could express my feelings, without having to attack or belittle or defeat the other person. Equally important,  the other person is not really responsible for my feelings.  They did not make me feel a certain way.   Their actions may have triggered my feelings,  but my feelings are my own responsibility.

At this particular stage of my life,  I am doing a much better job of staying in touch with friends.  That was one of my goals in my retirement.

Of course, there are things I would have done differently;  or perhaps better. I made mistakes, and bad decisions.    But I am confident that I always did the best I could with the tools I had to work with at that time in my life.

Waiting for Book

Last year, I published my first novel.  

The process is a long and grueling one and involves days, months, or years of writing.

 Then there is an editing phase, and a proofreading phase.  One goes through the design phase and then the production phase, until your book has been put together, but you have not yet actually seen it.

Then you hear that it is in the mail.  There is the waiting.  Last year, I waited and waited.   In a way, it is not unlike waiting for the "baby to be born".     The gestation period ends and you want to "meet this book" to which you have given birth.

Last year, on the "delivery day",  book baby was actually delivered to the wrong house!  That was rather traumatic!

Quite a number of the readers of In Its Time felt like the book needed a sequel.  At the time it was published, that thought had never crossed my mind.  But I did take it as a challenge.   And the more I thought about it,  the more I wanted to know what happened to my characters, those familiar folks to whom I had given life.  The only way to find out what happened to them was to write it.  And so I did.

Again, I am waiting for the book to be delivered.   That is supposed to happen tomorrow.  And if all goes well, hopefully it will be delivered to my house!

I know what the contents of the book are;  I know what the book looks like, but I have never actually seen it.  I can't wait!

The delivery day will soon arrive, and a new book baby will be born!

Wellness on Vacation

I have always really appreciated my health, and I boast of my wellness like a red badge of courage.  No major illnesses. No medications.  No major surgeries.  Rarely ever even remotely sick.

But I have been really really knocked off my can these past few days.   I guess I never really appreciated my energy level, until I didn't have one at all!   My symptoms have run the gamut.  Pounding headache.  Body aches.  Swollen eyes. Nasal congestion.  Chest cough.  Chest pressure and discomfort.  Unable to function.

 If this is by chance the flu, I think I'll get a shot next year!

Yes, I have gone to the doctor and am on medications.  They did not make me instantly better overnight, as I had expected.

When I don't have my health and wellness, and most of all, my energy, I don't even recognize myself.  My husband has no idea who this person is he is currently living with.  All he knows is "that I am not allowed to be sick"  per my own mantra. (which isn't helpful when one is really sick!)   My mantra has failed me.  My wellness has taken a hike.  My health is sleeping on the job.

Despite all of that, I am finding it extremely difficult to just do nothing.  Just sitting there hurts.  Laying in bed hurts.  Light hurts.

But I do believe that there will be light at the end of the tunnel, and once I emerge from the tunnel,  me and my health and wellness and energy will re-unite and have a grand old time once again.