Now That I Am Old

Now that I am old
and my body sags and falls and makes deep crevices in my face,
and stares back a stranger, I think with such regret
about all the years I neglected to love my body.

Preoccupied with some imagined flaw of hip or thigh,
obsessed with an ounce, a pound,
shamed by the scale, oblivious, totally unaware
of what I wore upon myself:

A body so beautiful that I should have run
naked through the streets, dancing for joy, celebrating
every pore, every hair, every soft and supple place
of this body I have, the cloak of perfect skin I'm in.

But, alas, I did not celebrate nor run naked;
I did not appreciate or admire;  mostly I hid and fretted
self-consciously about wearing this outer shell,
the body which I was given.

I lived mostly unaware of the treasure that is mine,
as if it were an ill fitting dress, not cut quite right,
here too loose, there, too tight,
When all along, it was perfection.

Now that I am old,
what regret I have that I did not love my body back then.
I try to love it now, and appreciate its capabilities.
It keeps me immune to the dangers that could do me in.

This body produced human beings, and nurtured them,
a miracle, I'd say, to grow a life in such a way.
This body could run and play and bring such pleasure,
back in the day.

It moves a little slower since I have grown so old,
but I am more inclined to love it now, this body of mine.
I can still imagine myself running naked through the meadow,
young and lively, filled with joy at life itself.

I can still imagine, even though I am old.

An Alumni Reunion

Gerry and I usually attend the Reunion Breakfast the first Saturday in June.   I told him this would probably be my last year, since I have been gone for so so long, and I do not feel that I have any real connections any more.

And Gerry retired 21 years ago, so he has also been gone for quite a while.

I did work there from 1978 to 1989 in the Admissions Office of Ag & Life Sciences.   I can always count on a quick greeting from my old colleague Richard, after which, he 'works the room' and greets everyone he knows.

But this particular day brought a couple of reunion surprises.  I had a lovely conversation with Mary Granger who was a colleague in the Admissions Office during my years there.  I think I have probably not seen her since 1989, which would be 27 years ago!! She greeted me warmly.  Just to recognize someone after not having seen them in that long, is quite an accomplishment in itself!

Then when Gerry and I were leaving and almost to the car, a young woman ran up to greet me and give me a big hug!   She has it in her mind that I was instrumental in her Admissions to Cornell.  And because of that, we are Facebook friends.  She is from the Class of 1981, which means I knew her 35 years ago!  She is now on the staff as a representative from California.

So while I  had no expectations of any real connections on this Cornell Reunion weekend,  I was surprised by re-connecting with people from long ago, who seemed to remember me quite well and greeted me warmly.

Who knows?  Maybe I will decide to go again next year, after that unexpected experience!!

Angels

                                                                                                                    

 Some Will Be Angels

Some will be angels

I suppose, when I think of the world of the spirit;

and wonder what spirits will do.

Some may be angels of the guardian kind,

who keep us in line and keep us safe,

when we stray the line, and veer away.

Some may be angel messengers, who deliver

a call, or a promise, which the Lord is sending

to direct our path

toward the destiny intended.

Some angels will be singers, for sure,

for we know there is a choir there,

in eternity—a choir that praises God day and night

for only God is worthy.

(Though there is no night there,

for the Light of Christ fills the place.)

It is not a choir, I shouldn’t think, where

one auditions for alto or bass,

but instead is selected according to one’s love of God

and the steadfastness of our faith.

I long for a part in that Heavenly Host.

That’s what I’d want to do the most,

in the world of the spirit,

when I ponder what spirits do.

Some will be companions, I  imagine,

who guide us across from death to life

in the other space, where spirits dwell.

They take us there so we’re not alone,

and keep us company when we head home.

Some will be angels who walk with us

through the valley of the shadow of death,--

sometimes sending us back,

because it is not our time yet.

Those angels are friends and loved ones,

I am sure; whose love endures,

as they wait for us, to cross that space  

into eternal life.

Where spirits live.

The Saddest Snow

Today the snow came, well into April,

though it has stayed away all winter.

Unwelcome, though it would have

been, at Christmas,

 but not now.

It came down heavily,
this snow abounds-

many inches upon the ground,

where daffodils were growing,

but not now.

Instead it just brings tears,

his because it reminds him of all the things

he cannot do;
and it makes him long to ski;

 mine because of the place I could not go—

an outing, badly needed, snowed away,

and for the happy life I used to know,

but not today.