Restlessness

For a long time,  for much of my life really,   I can remember having a deep sense of restlessness in my soul.    That expressed itself by feelings of wanting to be somewhere else,  doing something else. Wanting to be someone else.  Needing to accomplish something.

Living in that mode often leaves one with a feeling of dis-satisfaction, emptiness.  One might fill that up with busyness,   drinking, drugs, shopping, partying, striving, coming and going.

At the same time,  I have always had a desire for serenity of the soul, rather than restlessness.  And finally, at long last, I can say that I have arrived at that.  It is not an achievement.  It is a way of being.  It is a shift in one's consciousness.

I no longer feel the need "to accomplish".   In fact, I have "accomplished" more in a lifetime than I ever imagined in my wildest dreams!

Raising four delightful children and having good relationships with them all
Marrying an intelligent, accomplished, wonderful human being, and having a good marriage
Graduating from seminary and having a 20+ year ministry
Writing two books, a cantata, poetry, a blog, and other things
Being a respected member of my community
Having a few good friends

At this point in my life,  I have definitely learned to be present in this moment.  I do not have to be going somewhere.  I do not have to be seeing other people.  I can be quite satisfied with my own company.   I can be occupied by the grooming requirements of the day.  I am happy to cook dinner.  I enjoy reading a book, or writing.  I am quite content doing ordinary domestic chores.

This is deeply counter-cultural.  That is especially true for a retired pastor.   Retired clergy usually just go on and on forever, doing the exact same thing, just for shorter periods of time.  People always ask what you are doing. There is a certain amount of competition involved in how one responds.

Now I know what serenity feels like.  It is about being present in the moment you are in, rather than the past or the future.  It is about being intentional, rather than reactive.  It is about being self-determined, rather than motivated by external circumstances.  It is about being content with who you are.

That is exactly where I aspire to be.

And where I am!

Full Time Church

When I consider my activities over the past few days,  and the things on the horizon in the days ahead,  it occurs to me that I have been spending my time fully occupied with church matters.

* I exchanged a flurry of emails with a church friends, discussing church concerns.
* I practiced the piano for the Prayer Service for which I will play music tomorrow.
* I  looked at the Sunday School material, which Gerry will lead in the pastor's absence.
* I have worked on the sermon I will preach on Sunday in the pastor's absence.
* I sent information for the bulletin to the church secretary.
* I worked on a Pentecost program for 2016.
*  Sunday I will lead two worship services as Pulpit Supply.

I don't know exactly how this happened,  given my determination 'to be retired.'

  Being retired, I have discovered, does not equate with being un-involved in the church.   I have become increasingly so.   I serve on the Worship Committee and the Newsletter Committee.

But mostly I just do the things that I am drawn to,  which I think fit my gifts and talents.
God given gifts and talents come with expectations, I do believe, to put them to work for the kingdom.

I try to do my part.

Snow Snow Snow

Most of the time, I avoid the outside in the winter, particularly the severe cold.   I just don't have the gear for it--the proper clothing to keep me warm and dry--no waterproof pants or long johns.

Most of this winter season, the snow has been quite sparse, coming an inch or two at a time, with the only real big dump being around the Thanksgiving holiday.

Now,  we do indeed have snow!   I decided that I should have an up close and personal experience of snow this morning.  For a brief period of time,  the sun came out and shone brightly and it looked so very appealing.  I took a little walk around the yard and took a couple of pictures, just for posterity.

I did put on enough layers to make sure that my feet would stay dry.  No hat though, since I have longer hair now and any hat would give me awful "hat hair."

I am inside and it is back to snowing and blowing once again.  No more sunshine.

Here is the proof that as I walked around the yard,  the snow came up to my knees, easily.

Of course, the distance between my feet and my knees is only a few inches!!

Chief Sitting Bull and Indigenous People

The theme for next year's paper in Ladies Lit is The World of the 1880's.

I am probably going to do my paper on Chief Sitting Bull, and to that end, I have been reading a great deal about this chief in particular, and native people in general.

I was drawn to the topic because I remember reading about the Chief's surrender to Fort Buford, North Dakota,  when we visited the fort in 2013.

This past summer,  our excursions off the cruise ship all had to do with the indigenous people of both Alaska and Canada. We had guides, visited museum, longhouses, and various sites that were led by tribal natives.

Now, reading about the Lakota Native Americans makes me realize that they all essentially have the same story of losing their way of life and heritage.   I am sure that the same thing is true of all native people who were displaced by explorers, settlers, pioneers, and western-thinking people.

Regardless of what we might think about their beliefs and practices,  indigenous people were deeply spiritual.  Their entire way of living, understanding themselves and their communities, were rooted in their spiritual understandings.

As I pursue this line of discovery, it is becoming clear to me why native American people were so completely decimated.  They were decimated because they could not survive the physical diseases that  destroyed them.  They could not survive the economic changes or transition from living off the land to living in reservations.  Family structure was no longer the same.  Their source of food disappeared----buffalo on the Great Plains,  and access to food from the sea in Canada and Alaska, and the disruption of their ecosystems.

For those who do remain,  there are great efforts under way to try to preserve their heritage, and that involves their languages, stories,  genealogy,  customs and artifacts, and sacred dances.

About fifteen years ago we took a trip out west, and at the museum of Crazy Horse [and Mt. Rushmore], we experienced Lakota children re-enacting their dance.   It was very moving.

I expect that as I continue to explore this topic,  I will learn a great deal more about the lives and the demise of these majestic people.

It is interesting to me, as I ponder this subject,  that so many of our travels,  from our Western journey around 2000, visiting the Badlands,  to our cross country journey of 2013, and our cruise excursions of 2014 have led down path toward enlightenment about Native American history and culture.