Hopelessly Lost!

Today I decided I would go to the big mall in the big city 30 miles away. I haven't been to that mall in probably ten years. Since then, they have greatly expanded it, changed the entrances, the access, the roads around. The last time I made a trip to that city was not long ago to visit someone in the hospital. On that trip, I lost my car in the hospital garage, so I made very sure I knew exactly where my car was located, near what entrance, the number and color of the entrance. I even wrote it down. I did not, however, take particular note of the roads as I entered the mall parking lot.

So I did my little shopping and headed out of the parking lot. I did not end up leaving the same direction I had come. I kept looking for signs for 81 South, but none were to be seen. I only saw 690W signs, and that was not a direction I wanted to go. The only positive thing I can think of is----I did have confidence that I could eventually find my way out of that particular city. I could wander for a while without have a panic attack! After all, I used to live in its suburbs. The truth is, I ended up in the absolute heart of down town in the height of rush hour (never finding the right route number sign). Then I had to rely on street names. I saw one that I thought tapped into 81 South. I traveled down it for a while, remembering you have to first turn off onto some other street before you can find the entrance to the interstate. I didn't know its name. I realized that I needed to look at the map, but by now, I am in a neighborhood that is known for its drive-by shootings, so I didn't really want to stop to study a map! I did find the right road and was so so glad to see an 81 South sign! I'm sure I was lost for at least an hour! And very tired.

I'm not much of a shopper. It mostly makes me exhausted, and I can never find anything that fits, so I don't know what I was thinking I would accomplish! (very little, actually).

I have so many good abilities and skills. Sadly, navigating is not one of them! It's not always easy being me!

Not the Bunny!

Much to our amazement, the culprit in the garden turned out NOT to be the bunny, who has been false accused! When I kept complaining about the damage to my garden, Gerry went and took a look. Lo and behold, he immediately saw deer tracks! They were clear and obvious. The deer kept eating the tops off of the beans.

It is utterly amazing to think that in our inhabited, civilized development, deer come into this yard! I've never ever seen a deer around here. Obviously, they wait until deep in the night to go prowling!

They demolished two of the six pepper plants. Then a few nights later, they nipped off every single okra plant. Now the okra plant was an afterthought when a daughter of mine mentioned that she had tried to grow them once. I might have gotten enough okra for one pan of fried okra, but it was hardly worth the effort anyway.

The garden has grown now ten times larger than in this picture. We will have a bumper crop of squash and zucchini. We already have a bumper crop of lettuce. There ought to eventually be plenty of tomatoes. That's not bad for the first garden in a long time. It has actually turned out to be better than I expected!

Nancy, Nancy, not contrary, how does your garden grow?

With squash and beans, and cukes also,

They all grow well this year,

Except for the nightly nibbling of the most unwelcome deer!

Family Gatherings

Any time is a good time for family gatherings. We have lots of different branches of our family. This is part of the "Vermont" gang.

With so many boys, we just managed to get in some outdoor tennis activity before the rains came.

After that, grilling and a late lunch. It was good to catch up with Tange, Gerry's daughter. It is so interesting to see how she has developed as a mother. For all of her twenties, we was adamantly not going to have any children. Despite a rather late start, she ended up having three, the last one a girl. Now parenting is clearly her top priority. She has taken parenting courses, and tries to anticipate what each stage might bring and how she can best navigate each developmental challenge. I admire her commitment to doing the best job she can, and learning as much as possible. Raising children in today's world is a huge challenge. It is very different now from just ten years ago. Technology has added to the challenge. When Tange learned the affect of "screen time" on the brain, she severely limits access.

My hat goes off to all those who are parenting today!

As parents, all we can ever do is our best, and hope that will be enough.

Proud

It's not ordinarily my style to "toot my own horn". I would ordinarily be much more inclined to stand squarely right in the middle of humility. But lately, I've been feeling so proud of how far I have come just in the past year or so.

Just a couple of years ago, Gerry and I played with a mixed doubles group at the tennis club in our former town. I had never played doubles before. I didn't really know how it all worked, where I was supposed to stand, about changing courts after games, how to keep score. And it showed. I was the weak link in the foursome, and I hated that! I never wanted to play doubles again.

This summer, my level of play has increased so much that I have begun to feel proud of myself. A member of my women's doubles group referred to another female tennis player, Jodi, as one who "plays with the big boys." Not long ago, Gerry and I played with Jodi and her partner and won!

About fifteen years ago I broke my right ankle. When the cast came off, I had tendinitis for a long long time and could not run. Eventually, I began to think of myself as someone who cannot run. This summer, I have become a fierce runner. The thing is, you would not look at this short, stout, little old lady and think she could do much at all on the tennis court. But you would be wrong. I run from side to side fiercely. I play at the net. I am quick. I am not the weak link in a foursome any more! I make about the same number of mistakes as everyone else; no more!

This morning, Gerry was going off to work and I was going off to play women's doubles. He said to me, "Play like a lady." I asked, "What in the world do you mean?" He said, " When you play with me and return balls, you hit like a man." What a compliment!

I am so proud of myself that I have become an "athlete" who loves to compete, who can play like a man, and occasionally win!

Life's Illnesses

Lately, there have been numerous occasions to think of life's illnesses. Of course, in ministry, that is a primary topic of conversation and concern which is ever present. Two parishioners have recently been diagnosed with cancer. One had been a long time in getting the diagnosis, but it was fairly obvious the diagnosis was coming. (throat cancer; a smoker). The other got a lung cancer diagnosis out of the blue. This person was not a smoker, so it seems unexpected. I also recently heard of a clergy colleague who is having chemo and radiation treatments for cancer. It almost seems that if one lives long enough, cancer is a strong possibility among the various life challenges. Dear friends and neighbors have also dealt with cancer.

Gerry has survived cancer twice. Both times surgery was the solution. It does seem simpler and quicker than chemotherapy and/or radiation. But surgery does leave its consequences, from deadened nerves to sleep impairment.

Of course, all this makes me ever aware, always wondering. When is this going to happen to me? I can only hope that it won't. [Knock on wood, cross my fingers, Hear my prayer!] When one sees the various ways that people live and die, it makes you think of what you would prefer. To me, most ailments seem preferable to Alzheimer's.

So that's what I choose. I will go gladly into the wild blue yonder, via anything but Alzheimer's!

Short Timer

I sort of get the impression that my Interim Pastoral assignment might be coming to an end in the not too distant future. Everywhere I turn people talk to me about how much they are going to miss me, and how they want to keep me. But in the background the Search Committee meets and now has their "final four" identified. Perhaps that person will be in place by Labor Day. At least one parishioner said that might be possible, though mostly people do not discuss it with me.

For a while, I actually dreaded the prospect of it being over, but now I understand that that is the inevitable conclusion, and the right one. In this particular denomination, any person who serves as an interim cannot, by policy and rules or order, be put in place as a permanent pastor.

So, knowing that, I am resigned to moving on. (Although I do not know exactly what I will be moving on to??) We do hope to be able to stay connected to this church, however, in whatever ways we can, because it has been very helpful in learning about the community, not to mention getting very attached to the good folks there.

I have discovered that interim ministry is by nature very transient, so one needs to have a "home base" for the time in between.

By 2011, perhaps I will be ready to take an appointment, something I have strongly resisted. That means every Sunday and other responsibilities as well. It may just be that as long as it is no more than half time, that would be all right. I am pondering the idea, and praying about it.

Not having work at all simply does not seem to agree with me. Perhaps this would be a more accurate statement: Not having people [on a daily basis] simply does not seem to agree with me.

So I guess I'm not as much as an introvert as I thought I was. Surprise, surprise!

Celebrating

Celebrating My Birthday and

Father's Day

June 20, 2010

My birthday was special because:

In the morning, the whole congregation at church sang happy birthday to me.

I got emails from old friends who remembered my birthday.

My children and grandchildren were here to help celebrate this afternoon. (all but two)

We got a new grill and Gerry cooked today!

We had an ice cream cake, with my name on it!

I got my toenails painted!

I got lovely bouquets of flowers and other neat gifts! (A gift certificate for dinner out at our favorite restaurant.)

It was a beautiful lovely sunny day.

I am abundantly blessed indeed! Yes, I am!

Goodbye Conference

We gathered. We sang. We worshipped. We passed motions to dissolve. We passed motions to merge. It has all been in process for the past six years. This conference has been in existence for the past 24 years, when two other conferences merged. (North and Central). The North Central Conference is now merging with three others to create one large conference. It is all part of being a mainline denomination, and specifically, one in decline.

I'm not entirely sure exactly how I feel. Today, to tell the truth, I didn't feel too much. Yesterday, I felt a greater sense of connection and belonging and affection at the clergy session than I have felt in a while. [Being retired does have an affect on one's feelings of connectedness.] Certainly I do feel some sense of loss. A part of my identity, the 'group' to which I have always belonged, becomes something new, something else, something bigger, something different. When the new conference meets next year, if I go, most of the faces will be unfamiliar. It will be in an unfamiliar city, etc.

Today, we also dissolved the district of which I have been a part. Come to think of it the first district to which I was attached was also dissolved some years ago. A colleague to whom I mentioned this said jokingly: "You are the kiss of death to districts!"

We closed with a whisper, more than a bang. And perhaps that is as it should be.

Slowly, us retired clergy will all just fade away. However, I don't think I am yet in the fading mode. Or maybe I am and don't even know it!

Creatures

I've really been noticing all the creatures lately, and the chaos they leave behind. I finally had to move my two bird feeders that have been hanging over the front porch. It was a great place for bird watching, but a bad place for bird poop. So between the seed droppings and the bird droppings, I gave up on that particular location. It was an awful mess!

One of the bird feeders ended up hanging from an iron post in the flower garden, so the seed pieces just fall to the ground. I watched for a long time last night and saw the bunny eating the cracked corn that hits the ground from the feeder. During the few minutes I was watching the garden, I saw a bunny, lots of little birds running around unperturbed by the rabbit, and a black mouse scurrying around the day lilies.

I like creatures; I do. But I do have my limits. I am assuming that it is the bunny that has eaten the tops off of my bean bushes in my garden, which will now fail to produce beans. Actually, we had some lovely lettuce from the garden for dinner tonight. I can truly say that we are growing our own food!

But the bunny left behind a generous pile of bunny poop in the yard! How ungrateful can a creature be!

Bunnies are cute; but not when the leave poop and eat my beans! Of all the nerve!

Fiftieth Anniversary

Today we attended a fiftieth anniversary celebration for my former congregation. Actually, there has been a congregation of that particular persuasion in that community for 174 years, but services began at that new site in 1960. It was a very special occasion to be able to return to that kind of celebration and see familiar faces, hear stories, and get lots of hugs and kisses. Of course, I left only two years ago, so I still remember the people and most of the names.

At the worship service, each of the pastor's got to speak for three minutes. Not all were able to do that. We shared a memory or story of something that happened during the period of our ministry.

There was a lovely luncheon provided and a program which followed. The program included music, a summary of the history, a power point presentation of memories, prayer, etc.

There is just no way to put into words all that one feels about being the spiritual leader of a congregation. There were people there whose lives I know for certain were actually impacted by my ministry. There were folks whom I know hold both Gerry and I in deep regard and affection. Some have shared that they became closer to God; others grew in their faith; at least one came to the Christian faith for the first time. There were numerous people there today who were confirmed during my years, or whose family members passed away, people with whom I have laughed and cried and prayed. To have had these experiences is very very humbling.

Perhaps the most amazing and surprising thing for me to realize, listening to the overall history, is the number of physical changes that took place during my years. They are numerous! They range from renovations of the education area on the first floor, the complete renovation of the lounge, the addition of a memorial garden, an elevator, a steeple.

I would certainly have hoped to have an impact on people's faith. It is sort of unexpected for me to ponder the meaning of the significant changes to the facility. Maybe that's because faith and facility are inextricably linked. Over the course of human history, faith has consistently been made manifest. [altars, tablets, ark of the covenant, temple, churches]

I'll have to reflect on the faith/facility notion for a while and see where it leads me. Perhaps, in the end, it is not too far removed from God (Spirit) being Incarnate, the Word made human flesh, Christ coming and living among us.

Two Different Approaches

My partner and I signed up for tennis primarily because the senior games are played in the town in which we live. Otherwise, it probably never would have occurred to us. It was interesting to see the different approach of the pair of women we had to play in the Finals. They traveled from a long distance and stayed in the dorms for the week. Clearly, their plan of action for the Senior Games was maximum participation. To that end, they had signed up to play in table tennis, swimming, women's basketball, as well as women's tennis singles and doubles. Some who came to the senior games came dedicated to just one particular sport, specifically so they could go on to compete at the national level.

Our opponents approach to the week was clearly one of participation. To be perfectly honest, mine was one of competition. I was there for the exhilaration of competition. We did win handily against that team, and brought home a medal. I have discovered that I really love to compete--win, lose or draw. Maybe its the adrenalin that makes you feel really alive!

But the difference in our approaches makes me think about how people who live locally rarely participate or visit or take in the sights of their area the way tourists do. For instance, as a child, we traveled all the way from the deep south to see the Statue of Liberty, but since living in New York State for the past thirty years, I have not seen it once, except from the air.

There are no doubt countless "attractions" not very far from us that out-of-towners come a long distance to see and do, and we barely take notice. To put that into practice myself, I should put a couple of day trips on the calendar for sure. I know one place Gerry wants to go---predictably a motorcycle museum! We should make a point to do it this summer!

Today both Gerry and I played in the senior games. He played singles. I played women's doubles. After a two hour match and winning, he had to play again almost immediately, which was brutal. He lost the second match, but no one ever beats that player.

My partner and I wondered what would be the level of play of our opponents, having no experience playing competitive tennis. They were far far more experienced that we are, and in fact have played at national level competition. We have been partners for about three months, compared to their partnership of thirty years. It was clear that we were not likely to win any matches, but were proud of ourselves that we did manage to win some games, several in fact!

It is fun to just be able to play. Who knows what we will find ourselves up against tomorrow? I certainly did not go into this expecting to come home with any medals. In fact, I was just thrilled when they gave me a badge to wear that said: Athlete. To me, "athlete" is just as good as gold!

Unintended Consequence

Lately, I've had a desire to feed and watch the birds. I have a couple of feeders, and recently added a couple. This morning I actually saw two beautiful finches feeding off of the "sock", a netting sock filled with finch seeds. I wasn't convinced that would really work, but there they were.

On the front porch, to the right, there is a bird feeder that is always busy. Mostly small birds feed there. The seed I bought is a mix and contains both small seeds and some sunflower seeds, which are clearly too large for the small birds.

To the left of the front porch there is a large hosta plant. Every time I look out the window to see the birds, I see the mouse scurrying back and forth across the sidewalk. The side beneath the bird feeder is out in the open, so I suppose he feels vulnerable, because he goes back and forth, back and forth. He scurries and gets a sunflower seed from the ground beneath the feeder, and scurries back to the hosta plant to eat it.

When I wanted to feed the birds, I had not intended to feed the mouse, which is getting rather fat as he scurries back and forth, back and forth. Though that was not what I had intended, life is full of unintended consequences. I don't begrudge the mouse its sunflower seeds. Better out there!

Enjoy!

All Good Fortune

I make it a policy not to reveal personal information about my children, mostly at least, and not by name. A daughter herein called "Eva" is one of my children who has had a difficult life in her few short years. For quite a while now, she has had the struggle of being a single parent and all the stress and challenge that goes with that.

She called Monday, clearly upset. She had just had an automobile accident. Thankfully, no one was hurt, though two teenage girls were in the car with her. Her car was totaled, beyond fixing.

Eva doesn't stay "down" for long. She cannot afford to. She is resourceful, hard working, capable, and responsible for the well-being of her daughter and herself. But from as far back as I can remember, she has had so much hard luck. She has endured/survived a broken neck, a house fire, several car accidents or mechanical failures, financial debt, being betrayed, depressed, and broken-hearted, to name only a few of the unfortunate things.

Since Monday, in a matter of just a couple of days, she had taken care of all the details of bank loan, car insurance, replacing a totaled car, retrieving her license plates, etc. Today I drove her to pick up her "new" pre-owned car. She made a comment when we were driving, "I think my luck is going to change; things are going to go my way from now on."

There is no greater prayer than I have than that---'Lord, may that indeed be true!' It's time! It's overdue. It's only fair! Hear this prayer! May it be so!

No more car accidents; no more debt; no more broken heart; only good things from now on.

She deserves it. May good health, good fortune, good relationships, be hers.

I claim all that for Eva! Starting now.