Clergy Quandary

This morning I worked on a sermon focusing on pride, which I will be preaching in October.  In that process,  I recognized clearly all my own pride vulnerabilities, or at least some of them.   Everyone has pride, of course, perhaps to varying degrees.

This afternoon,  I officiated at a funeral.  Funerals are a unique challenge for clergy.  I remember one time when I was doing a funeral with another pastor and we were in the office together before the service, that pastor said to me:  "I just love funerals."   I probably would not have said that out loud,  but I certainly understood what he meant.  For a clergy person, a funeral is a place where we can lead the people in celebration of our faith.  We are, after all, resurrection people, so death is only a temporary detour. It is a chance to offer hope and assurance, to share your conviction and belief in eternal life.

I do enjoy officiating at funerals, because I believe that I have a special God-given gift for putting together a service that honors the person who has died, comforts the family, and often brings both laughter and tears.

My quandary is this: Is is prideful for me to be glad to have such a gift?   I don't think having that gift makes me better than someone else;  perhaps just uniquely able to do that one thing.  Not everyone is appreciative of 'that one thing'.  I remember once speaking at a funeral.  There was a man in the front row.  I don't remember if his words came at the beginning or at the end, but he said to me clearly, and with some obvious contempt:  "How can you do this?"

Because I am called and gifted.  My desire is to bring honor and glory to God.   But truthfully,  I do enjoy accolades.  I appreciate positive feedback and kind remarks.

Am I filled with pride or humility?  Both.  Sometimes one, sometimes the other.  Saint and sinner.  Both.  For such is the nature of humanity.

Man of La Mancha

Last night we saw the marvelous musical, Man of La Mancha. It is clearly one of the best ever, most well written, with phenomenal singing---an award winner, for many good reasons.

 I remember seeing it forty years ago.  I was pregnant with my oldest daughter at the time. I have no memories of the play itself.  I do remember my reaction to it.  I had no idea what was going on, could not follow the plot and action and was completely lost.

At that time, I was in my early twenties, and it would be hard to find a young adult who had led a more un-worldly life!   Back then, I had no frame of reference for the historical context,  nor did I have any life experience that would have prepared me for the complex layers of themes, and the 'play within a play'.

This time, I was certainly better able to follow the action and the humor.  I understood the historical references,  and could relate to the struggle between seeing the world as it is, or seeing it as you would like it to be.  And, oh how I have always loved the song To Dream the Impossible Dream.

But perhaps most of all, seeing the play Man of La Mancha helped me to understand the song Dulcinea,  which my daughter's husband recently sang to her at their wedding. I listened carefully to the words, and the meaning of the song for Don Quixote.  His Dulcinea was the one he had always imagined in his heart,  the very embodiment of female beauty,  who possessed the beauty of the angels.   He held fast to that vision of her, regardless of any evidence to the contrary.   He believed she was his muse, his inspiration.  And in the end,  it changed how she felt about herself, and it transformed her completely.

Maybe the most important lesson I got from the play was---if you hold fast to a vision,  it can have the power to change you, and others.    And the world will be better for this, that one man scorned and covered with scars, still strove with his last ounce of courage, to reach the unreachable star.

Thoughts

The pastor said in his sermon:  "We had an interesting discussion in Sunday School.  The question was about whether or not thoughts are sinful by themselves, or if they are sinful only if one acts on them."  As I recall, his position was---to have the thoughts means you have already sinned in your heart  (therefore it is the same sin as an action would be.)

I wholeheartedly disagree with this way of thinking.  When it comes to the matter of thoughts,  I'd have to say that it is probably not fully known or understood exactly where thoughts originate.  It would be my understanding that often they originate from the subconscious mind.   Sometimes, they may even originate from the universal consciousness,  as when one gets a brilliant, creative idea.  Consciousness is an ongoing and evolving activity of the entire universe.   If we are fortunate,  it sometimes even unfolds within us.  And all of us, to some degree, can participate.

No doubt it is true that one can initiate sinful thoughts on purpose.  For example, if a sexual thought goes through someone's mind,  they might think about taking that further, and pursue some pornographic images on-line.  A decision is made in that case, and the thoughts themselves become actions, and the actions are sinful.  How far Jimmy Carter took his "lust in his heart" only he can know. But I do not think it is possible to be human, and not have any sexual thoughts. The thoughts, in and of themselves, are not inherently evil.  Just a passing blip.

When thoughts originate in the subconscious mind,  one also has a choice about whether or not to simply observe them passing across the screen of consciousness,  (not sinful)  or to dwell on them, take them up, act on them (potentially sinful).   I do not believe that the thought by itself comes as a "sinful" package, before one's will has been exerted over it, brought into the picture. This seems to me a rather fatalistic and pessimistic view of humanity, to which I do not subscribe.

I believe that we grow and evolve as spiritual human beings.  We become more proficient at not acting out of our ego.  We become more effective at operating out of our higher spiritual selves.   To label humans as totally broken and completely sinful doesn't allow enough room for growing in grace.

Thoughts simply are.   Take them or leave them.   We do have that choice.  And it is the choice that determines the sin.

Un-assembled!

Today a large box was delivered by UPS to the garage.   It was marked Fragile...Pottery.   I assumed that it was Viki's wedding favors that she said she had shipped here.  I was inclined to leave it where I found it.  It was too large and heavy to move!   I emailed her that it had arrived. She kept wanting me to look inside.  Finally, I decided to actually open the box and check it out.

I discovered in that process that inside that box were various parts of a very lovely idea....seed pots, seeds, a personalized tag,  pellets for germination,  and four large spools of twine.   Flattened, there were 170 cardboard shapes that had to be converted into 170 cardboard containers.  Into each container,  a pot, pellet, seeds would go, and it was to be closed, tied, a personalized tag added.   What a huge job.  We began by making the boxes.  (Gerry could make one in the time I could make five).   Then when it came to the pots,  we discovered that many of them were totally smashed into little bits.   Hopefully, we will be able to get those replaced soon.

It is a lovely idea.  The box says "go green".  [Yo is really into that!!].   It is not a plastic trinket, but something that grows. You plant the herb seed.  There is a quote from Thoreau.  It is a thoughtful, lovely idea for a wedding favor.  But, oh it is so much work.  It is tying each box with twine and adding the card which makes it so much work. (Something that unfortunately is not in Gerry's skill set!)   Yo was under the impression that it all came assembled.

I cannot imagine the number of total hours that it will require.   But I will do it.  (and not complain too much!). I guess that's what mothers have to do sometimes!